Act 2, Scene 36: “Daddy Date”

S was off to try out for the local SB players production of The Wizard of Oz. Her and 50 other fine denizens of SB. High school drama geeks, senior citizen thespians, and everybody in-between. S was gunning for the wicked witch.

The tryouts were at night, so TRL was watching the kids. Which is nothing exceptional. But S insisted that the boys get a bath. Well, TRL doesn't bathe the kids. S does. Because TRL hates it and S likes it. TRL does not like bending over the bathtub to scrub the kids. He doesn't like the 50 percent possibility that one of the boys will refuse to get in the water and thus have to get a sponge bath. He doesn't like getting soaked and he doesn't like the screaming protests when the boys are told the bath is over. TRL doesn't like the entire process of the bath. Too many variables, too much mess.

But S was adamant. If they weren't bathed tonight, then because of travel, they wouldn't have the opportunity to be bathed for three more days.

So? questions TRL.

So they need to be bathed, says S.

But why? whines TRL. They don't mind. Nobody cares.

I do, seethes S, already in the role of the wicked witch.

With that, she makes her dramatic exit.

Boys, TRL says to C&E, wha'da'ya say we just wash your faces and tell mommy you took a bath. Are you guys with me?

Yes, says E, smiling.

No, says C, smiling.

No, E changes his vote.

TRL considers bribes. An evening with Elmo? A sanctioned food fight? An extended bed time? The problem, he knew, was that the boys wouldn’t connect the action with the bribe. And more to the point, S would know that they hadn’t bathed. How? She would just know.

So up to the bath. But first, the boys do laps around the dining room table. Twelve circuits. The better to tire them out, thinks TRL.

And C and E are excited about getting in the bathtub. And offer only the meagerest resistance to coming out. Bedtime milk goes down without a fight, and clean-up and brushing teeth goes swimmingly. By the time TRL is ready to utter those wonderful words ‘Bed time, boys,’ the boys are ready to hear them. Once in their cribs, each dives for the mattress, head down, butt in the air. TRL covers them in blankets, whispers good night, and steals out of the room.

It was now the golden hour, the time when the boys were asleep and TRL wasn’t at work. Normally, this meant dinner, maybe some TV, probably some household chores. But tonight was special. Tonight was all TRL’s. It was just TRL, dinner, and the TV. IE, it was daddy date night. He had full control over what he wanted to do, a sense of a job well done with the boys and stretching before him uninterrupted entertainment and snacks. No call to tasks normally initiated by S, no negotiating what to watch on TV. It was like being a bachelor again, only without the desire to find the right woman and eventually start a family. TRL was in the sweet spot.