Act 2, Scene 24: "Door-to-door Extortionists"

It finally happened. The Boy Scouts came a knockin'. TRL was working upstairs when the Nanny calls from outside.

There’s some people to see you, she says.

It sounds ominous. Was it religious people trying to sell him on their God? Was it the IRS? The FBI? The Elks?

TRL goes downstairs and opens the front door. It is a neighbor with her three sons.

Want to buy chocolate bars? She smiles.

TRL looks down at the youngest boy, a shy 8 year-old in a cub scout uniform.

What are you selling? TRK asks.

The boy mumbles something.

You can tell him, the mother says.

Candy bar, he answers.

For what? TRL asks.

Outs, he says.

Outs? TRL repeats, wondering if the scouts are outing potentially gay members and taking up a collection to do this, or perhaps, in a decidedly more liberal bent, are deciding to come out as a group.

Scouts, the boy clarifies.

Oh, scouts, says TRL. Kind of odd timing, selling candy a week after Halloween, he tells the mom as he forks over five dollars for five chocolate bars. He will add them to the collection of ten pounds of Hershey minis still lying around the house from the anticipated trick-or-treater deluge that never occurred.

As he takes possession of the bars, he can feel his belly growing larger.

We’ll be selling through January, answers the mom. We’ll be back in a month, she adds, and waves goodbye.

TRL has been hooked, tacitly committed to buying more chocolates from the Scouts. And who knew what was around the corner. The Girl Scouts? Indian Guides? The High School Marching Band? Bad submarine sandwiches? Poor car washes? More unwanted candy?

In the city, you were hit up by the homeless, whom you could choose to ignore or toss some spare change to. Out here, organized kids were doing the hard sell, and TRL was sure they kept a list of who was naughty to them and who was nice.