Act 2, Scene 23: "The Season of the Rake"

And you will have lots and lots of leaves, it will be measured in feet, so proclaimed Jeff the Tree Guy.

And thus is came about.

The grass is no longer visible. Instead, TRL has a brown and yellow leaf carpet surrounding the house.

And acorns, also. By the bushel, raining down from the Heavens. TRL is considering importing squirrels to do the gathering job that the domestic squirrels obviously weren’t keeping up with. American squirrels have grown fat and lazy.

So have, it seems, the American people. Nobody rakes anymore. Everybody straps on a gas-powered leaf blower to their back. It sounds like the Indianapolis 500 in the neighborhoods of SB.

And kids can’t even be induced to rake the lawn for extra spending money. The kid who cuts the lawn wants $100 to rake the lawn. $60 if TRL does it himself: he would then suck up the piles of leaves using a vacuum attachment to his huge industrial lawn mower. The problem is that any kid interested in raking the lawn is interested because he started a business doing it. No longer are there youths interested in some manual labor for an extra few bucks. They rather virtual rake on some Internet game, or study up so they can get the grades to land the summer internship at John Deere.

So TRL and S head out to the lawn to rake. TRL knows the deal. He used to rake the lawn as a kid. It takes a long time. And lots of effort. And the leaves just cover things up again the next day.

But S hasn’t raked before. She starts off with enthusiasm and glee.

And then she gets a blister.

And then after an hour’s work she looks up and realizes most of the lawn is still covered in leaves.

And then the wind kicks up, scattering leaves back onto the grass from the mighty piles that have built up. It is Sisyphus blowing leaves up the hill. And S finally cries: We have to move back to the city.

To the land of infinite pavement. To where leaves are regarded as colorful displays for trips up to New England. Or quant pictures in children’s books. Or something you press into paper during a Mommy and Me educational arts and crafts project. But never a chore.