Act 2, Scene 12: “Dry Cleaning the Family Pet”

TRL pushes C & E around a parking lot in an SB strip mall. They had just been in a kids store hunting for sun glasses, caps and socks. The store only had the socks in C & E’s size. It had been pouring all day, and right now there was a clearing, the gray skies rolling back to offer if not sunshine, at least not fat raindrops. So TRL was taking advantage and wheeling the boys around, giving everybody some fresh air.

This is my life, rolling around a suburban parking lot with a double stroller, he muses. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. In this case, professional suburban semi-weekly stay-at-home dad.

He spots a cleaners among the toy store, rental shop and Italian restaurant in this low level brick retail enclave. He wheels in the boys.

Do you dry-clean stuffed animals? TRL asks the proprietor, a middle-aged Asian man. Bryan the Bear, a five foot long white furry bear stuffed animal present from TRL’s friend Bryan upon the boys’ birth, was in desperate need of a cleaning. After having C & E spill PediaSure and wipe cheese, plums, crackers and various other food on him, not to mention stamping on his every part, Bryan stunk. A sickly unpleasantly sweet and garbagy stink.

A long stuffed animal, TRL adds, spreading his arms out.

Dry-clean? Repeats the man.

Yes, would you dry-clean the stuffed animal?

That is very big, replies the man, looking at the space between TRL’s hands. I don’t think so. Is it a pet?

A pet? thinks TRL. What is worse, he wonders, that this man thinks TRL wants to dry clean a pet, or that this man would entertain the idea of dry-cleaning the family pet?

It’s a stuffed animal, says TRL, not a pet.

Can’t do it, the mans says, shaking his head. We can’t clean stuffed animals.

TRL thanks him and backs out. Looks like the family was facing plan B: Bryan gets a bath.