Friday, March 30, 2007

Act 4, Scene 16: “Your True Quest for Zen Starts Here”


In search of ultimate self knowledge? Pure peace and being? Stillness in a fast-moving world, patience in the middle of insanity? Forget a trek to the Dali Lama. Leave behind the notion of Japanese Zen monasteries. Bypass Shangri-La, and instead come to TRL’s house. Here, if you devote yourself to pure being with a pure heart, you will find the path to peace, your very own Himalaya Hilton in the very heart of a major metropolitan area easily reached by all transportation hubs. And close to a McDonalds and a Walmart.

C and E will throw obstacles of all kinds into your quest for peace. Don’t let them destroy your will in your journey to true balance.

Need to leave the house early? C will crap his pants, E will have a meltdown because his “chocolate” shirt is in the laundry, C will insist that it is not Cheerios that he has been eating every morning for the past year but in fact Rice Krispies, which TRL happens to be out of. It is now Rice Krispies, in fact, that are C’s life’s work, not unlike your quest for peace. His soul nourisher, the only thing on the planet that will appease him. Surround sound screaming will test your nerves, fire volleys of pain into your being and soul. But stay strong and focused, keep your eye on that nirvana prize of peace and understanding, equanimity in the face of hideous mental and emotional assault.

Need to do some domestic chores around the house, catch up on some work, and get to bed early after the boys are tucked in for the night? E will scream, and scream, and scream. Why? Because he wants the night light off. And then C will scream, and scream, and scream. Why? Because he wants the night light on. And once that discussion has played itself out, and has miraculously been dispersed with via logical contortions, appeals to pure emotion, and lots of deep breaths on your part, the boys will discover a thirst for cold water like no other, two parched desert wanders who need water, must have it from the orange cup sitting dirty at the bottom of the kitchen sink. And they NEED IT NOW. And once their whistles are wet, their throats moisturized, why they are not tired anymore. A book, a book, one more book before bed!

You see, India is for pussies. You want true Zen, come on over to TRL’s house. And if you make it through, peace will be yours. And if you don’t, you will be a destroyed shell that previous had cradled your hopes and ambitions, a mere husk now devoid of any balance or self worth, waiting to dry up, blow away and disappear for ever.

Call for reservations. TRL will pick you up at the airport.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home