Act 4, Scene 13: “Gravity’s Rainbow, of Pain”

TRL wants to abolish stairs. TRL needs to abolish stairs.

His knees hurt from going up the stairs because he is getting old.

He is bored by the stairs. Up/down, up/down, ten, fifteen times a day. With nothing to look at or engage him, only his brain generally remembering to signal his neck to bend least it crack the head against the ceiling on the descent. Otherwise, there is no stimulation going on in the stairwell. Nothing to look at, a passage too vertical for any meaningful interaction with anything that might be on the walls. No chance of bumping into anyone. The staircase is boring.

And the usual is not helped by C and E’s increasingly urgent need to transport their gaggle of animals, their very own roadies and hangers-on, from their upstairs bedroom to the kitchen/dining room/living room downstairs, and vice versa. C and E can’t do it alone, won’t do it alone. Which leaves TRL going up and down to avoid their increasingly shrill declarations of desire.

“I need minipuppy down here,” insists E.

“Moo Cow has to be on the chair,” bellows C.

Or Strawberry Doggie, Gussy the doll baby, Saul the (slightly older) doll baby, Hippo Puppet, Elephant Puppet, Monkey Puppet, Big Snoopy, Girl (aka Mommy’s) Snoopy, Muffy (the dog), Bunny Rabbit, Pigbear … TRL knows what he really needs is a shuttle service for these stuffed animals, and he also knows he is the shuttle service.

Other solutions would be impractical. A fire pole would be an accident waiting to happen. A gravity gun would wake the neighbors. A dumbwaiter too small and prone to breakdowns. An escalator with jazzy color fluorescent underlights an indulgence S would never permit.

So TRL dreams of an apartment. All horizontal, no stairs. The urban presenting a different interaction with gravity.

He also dreams of making all of C and E’s animals disappear.