Act 1, Scene 8: “Rude Awakenings”

The Morning

TRL in bed. Sleeping.

6:10 am. Screaming. High, shrill. It is E.

6:12. Screaming.

Maybe it will stop.

6:15. Screaming. TRL looks over at S. She is sleeping. Or at least pretending she is sleeping.

6:16. Screaming stops.

6:16:20 Screaming starts.

S still looks like she is sleeping. How can that be?

6:20. Statute of limitations on baby going back to sleep is over. This was now a “situation.” One last glance at S: still sleeping. TRL rolls out of bed, tugs on his gym shorts and heads for C & E’s room.

6:21. E standing up in crib, the screams threatening to blow out the glass windows. TRL believes he is getting hearing damage from his children. Could this be some evolutionary development making us deaf to our teenager’s constant asking for the keys to the car and thus offering a modicum of protection against harm on the road? E immediately shifts into a glowing smile and giggle upon spying TRL enter the room. C rustles, springs up from the crib and lifts his arms, waiting to be lifted up and onto the floor. Off with the pajamas, dual diaper changes, on with the mini shorts and mini Ts.

6:30-10:00. Entertain boys, get them bowls of milk, Cheerios and bananas, ask them to stop screaming, wipe up the milk they spread on the floor, ask them to please stop spreading milk on the floor, get them more Cheerios, get them more bananas, get them more milk, greet S, fill the dishwasher and run it, fill the washing machine and run it, greet the bimonthly housecleaners and ask them to start upstairs, greet Nanny A, say goodbye to S, traffic manage the three house cleaners, the nanny and C & E, pay the housecleaners, help nanny bring C& E downstairs again, kill the spiders on the enclosed porch and Windex down the corners, kill the spiders on the garage door, take out the garbage, smile at nanny, say hi to C& E, grab a bowl, fill with Cheerios and milk, head upstairs to office, close door, start work.

10:05 am: The work day is just starting and TRL desperately needs a break.