Act 1, Scene 2: "Lawn Leavings"

Characters in today’s installment:

TRL: twisted, angry, ex-city dwelling writer now father to 17 month-old twin boys, quasi house husband

S: infinitely patient and usually understanding working wife

C&E: the next generation 17 month olds, aka C&E Screaming Factory

N: The Neighbor Across the Street, neurotic Jewish architect turned web designer working out of his house.

Et al: Various other supporting players.

And, action:

TRL walks across the street to N&S’s house. N is in his bathrobe in the driveway, talking to man with Xterminex written on his coveralls. There is a van with a giant cockroach gripping the roof.

Hey.

Hey replies N.

Which Chinese restaurant did you say sucks?

Mandarin China.

Bad?

Terrible.

It is bad, it’s on our list, says Xterminex man.

Your list? Asks TRL.

We have a short list and a long list. The short list is for standard pest control. The long list is places with major cockroach infestations. We only eat at places on the short list.

Seems like a good policy, says TRL. We just ordered from Three Gorges. Which list is that on?

Xterminex man pauses. It’s not on our list. Not our client.

I’d like to get hold of your lists, and other exterminator companies’ lists. It sounds better than Zagats.

TRL turns to N. You look like a mobster.

Huh?

The bathrobe?

I’m too skinny and Jewish to be a mobster.

Only mobsters and crazy old ladies where bathrobes outside.

Mobsters?

Like the Sopranos.

Quizzical look. I was sleeping. And then the doorbell rang. I’m sure I’ll see you in your bathrobe outside.

I don’t own a bathrobe.

No bathrobe?

I don’t like them. I’ll be naked.

TRL turns and leaves. He sees a dog turd on his lawn. He suspects the Mayor has not supervised his pooch appropriately. Something worth keeping an eye on.