Act 1, Scene 3: "Kill thy Neighbor?"

TRL sits at kitchen table, computer open. C & E run back and forth under his feet, under the kitchen table, out to the dining room and around the dining room table. They are self motivating, for now, no crying, no fighting, no reaching out to be held or read to. TRL grabs the time to check his email.

And an ugly ass car pulls up in front. A Dodge Magnum stationwagon. This is a car that one would find in cartoons, most notably Who Framed Roger Rabbit? It is a cartoon/undertaker hybrid and while it looks different and interesting, it works best as a concept rather than an actual mode of transportation. And it definitely doesn’t fit into the quiet Volvo/Honda-ish neighborhood.

Out of it walks a cartoon figure, a platinum blonde guy in turquoise shirt and beige slacks. This is all wrong. He is carrying a clip board. Could this be the potential new neighbor? He makes a bee line for the house for sale, and TRL knows today is the house inspection day.

Fuck.

Someone who drives a Dodge Magnum would be more likely to play music loud in the backyard. To host wild parties filled with dumb asses. To paint the house the wrong colors and festoon the yard with Hummels or lawn jockeys or whatever tacky people slap onto their grass. This does not bode well for TRL’s sense of equilibrium. He dials his wife.

We’ve got a problem.

Are the kids all right, S asks slightly panicked.

The kids? Oh, they’re fine. Running around. Well, E did have a melt down and hardly napped, so I had to watch him while C napped, and that sucked.

What’s the problem, S asks. A hint of impatience.

The new neighbor. He may drive a Dodge Magnum.

And?

A Dodge Magnum. They name a car after an extra large condom and an extremely large gun and you’re not worried? What kind of male do you think this car attracts? A guy with a little penis who needs to bark loud. He’ll upset the neighborhood.

How do you even know it’s the new neighbor?

TRL repositions himself at the window to get a better view.

It’s either this guy or the stocky guy now with him. That guy looks like a frat boy who never left the frat house. The kind of guy who buys kid's slip and slides, sets it up in the backyard, drinks beer and does belly slides all weekend. This is not good.

TRL, take a breath and watch the kids. I’ve got a meeting.

Aren’t you worried?

I’ve got to go now.

When are you coming home?

Around 6.

OK.

Bye.

Bye. Wait, they’re both walking around the house now.

Bye.

S hangs up. TRL watches intently. C and E clatter in, throwing toy trucks.

Fuck. This new neighbor could be a big problem.