Act 3, Scene 10: “Seemingly Magically Delicious”

Kids are a gateway drug to Cheerios.

C&E leave with S to go to daycare. TRL is left in a quiet kitchen. He pours himself a big bowl of Cheerios, drowns it in milk, and gobbles it down. Delicious! He goes back to the industrial-sized package of the cereal that they keep atop the refrigerator (many more boxes are stored in the basement: running out, with the prospect of fits by C&E, is not an option.). He pours more into his bowl. And he realizes how excited he is. How he is looking forward to eating these Cheerios. How hungry he is for them. How much he loves them. Where had they been all his life? Until C&E began eating them, TRL had never been a cereal eater.

And then he pauses. He takes a step back. He is getting excited about a bowl of circular oats. More than excited, lustful. And then he knew: he was addicted. A Cheerios addict. And he had been turned on by his kids.

What would it take to wean himself from these bobbing-in-milk beauties? What was the methadone equivalent here? Some no-sugar crappy-tasting healthful cereal? Or would TRL go the other way, turning to harder core cereals: Captain Crunch, Lucky Charms, Count Chocula?

TRL realizes he needs help. But first another bowl of Cheerios. You know, just to help him think. One more bowl. Just one more…